Saw this a while ago and it so truly describes what so many of us experience and deal with after the loss of a child……..
Dear Newly ( and not so newly) Bereaved Parent
January 27, 2016 by Angela Miller
This will likely be the hardest thing youâll ever do. Survive this. And eventually, maybe even thrive again.
At times it will feel virtually impossible. Youâll wonder how a human being can survive such pain. Youâll learn you know how to defy the impossible. You did it from the moment your childâs heart stopped, and yours kept beating. You do it with every breath and step you take. Youâre doing it now. And now. And now.
Your fingernails will become bloodied from clawing your way from the depths of despair. Your spirit will grow weary from fighting to survive. Your eyes will cry more tears than you ever thought possible. Your arms will ache an ache for which there arenât words. For a lifetime.
Your heart will break into a million tiny pieces. Youâll wonder how it will ever mend again.
But with every morsel of unspeakable pain, there is love. An abundance of love. A love so strong, so powerful, it will buoy you. You will not drown.
Others will say things that are intended to be helpful, but arenât. Take what is, leave what isnât.
Still, youâll meet others along the journey who will get it without ever saying a word. Kind souls who will breathe you back to life again. Let them.
Years down the road youâll tire of hearing the same advice and clichĂ©s, over and over again. Advice you donât want or need. Everyone will try to tell you how to best âfixâ your broken heart. The trouble is, you donât need fixing.
There is no fix for this.
Eventually youâll learn how to carry the weight of this pain. At times it will crush you. At other times youâll learn how to shoulder the burden with newfound grit and grace. Either way, youâll learn how to bend with the weight of it.
It will not break you. Not entirely.
And even if you donât believe in hopeâ not even a littleâ hope will light the way for you. At times you wonât realize your path is lit. The darkness feels all consuming when youâre in it. But know the light is there. Surrounding you now. And now. And now.
Know youâre being guided, by all of us who have survived this impossible hell. You may not hear us, or see us, but we are with you. Beside you. Hand in hand, heart to heart. Always. Just like your child still is.
Above all else, know that no one can save you but yourself. You are the heroine/hero of this sad story. You are the one who gets to decide how, and if, youâll survive this. You are the one who will figure out a way to survive the sleepless nights, and the endless days. You are the one who will decide if and when youâll find a purpose again that means something to you. You are the one who will choose how youâll live with the pain. You are the one who will decide what youâll to cling to, what will make your life worth living again. You, and only you, get to decide how youâll survive.
No one else can do this for you.
People will speak of âclosure,â of âmoving on,â of âgetting over it,â of grief coming to an end. Smile kindly, and know, anyone who says these things hasnât lived this thing called grief.
To lose a child is to lose the very heart and soul of you. It is overwhelmingly disorienting. It takes a long, long time to find yourself again. It takes a long time to grow new life around the chasm of such grave loss. It takes a long time to grow beauty from ashes.
There will always be a hole in your heart, the size and shape of your child. Your child is absolutely irreplaceable. Nothing will fill the void your child left. But your heart will grow biggerâ beautifully biggerâ around the empty space your child left behind.
The love and pain you carry for your precious child will be woven into every thread of your being. It will fuel you to do things you never dreamed you could do.
Eventually, youâll figure out how to live for both of you. It will be beautiful, and it will be hard.
But, the love you two share will carry you through. You will spread this love everywhere you go.
Eventually, youâll be able to see again. Eventually, youâll find your way again. Eventually, youâll realize you survived.